Depression

I am starting this so I have some where to leave my fears, tears and stress of life.I got married at 16 and had my frist child on my 17th birthday yea thats right on my birthday. I had my second child 16 months latter. I had two more children a few years down the road. Why am I telling you this because after my frist child I have been dealing with depression.I have hit bottom again and I am so tired.I am tired of the tears,I am tired of the heartache, and I am tired of the emptyness inside me on any giving day. After 14 years of dealing with the ups and downs I am for the frist time ever are going to talk to a shrink. I have in the past and present went to my doc and tried medicane. To say that I am nervous is an understatement I get an panic/anxiaty atack ( which has been happening the last month or so) just thinking about it. My husband has been the rock to hold me and the light to guide me but he is tired of me to. He is holding his self back from me now and says if I don't get better and stay better he is done. I can't blame him he has delt with so much but .....it hurts. I want to smile but it is lost in my darkness and has trouble shining. I need his touch the most now and it's not there like it was. The thing is I worry that I will always have to deal with depression and in the end he will leave me, what will I do then.